Will to Live

I was almost gone.
Somehow, against all odds, I was in one of those insane depressions I swore I would never fall into. When my parents passed, I vowed to myself that I would never forget all the amazing things that came with life on Earth. But as the days passed by, I found myself losing my hold. With the hard life I now lived, pain was a constant reminder of the hardships I had and will suffer. It was unbelievably hard to hold onto the joy when all I could feel was pain. When I tried to remember why I wanted to live, I couldn't come remember those reasons.
I stood on the sidewalk on a high bridge. Below me, steely gray water churned, probably colder than the air itself. I knew that I would have to jump soon, no matter what. I felt disconnected from my entire body. I could only vaugely make out the shapes and voices of the people around me. All I could concentrate on was my thoughts.
On one hand, I wanted to jump. To escape the pain, to run from the suffering. But the rational part of my brain screamed at me to pull away. It felt as though every part of my body urged me forward so I could fall, fall away from everything, but that tiny part of my mind prevented it. I realized with a panicky jolt that I needed to convince myself to stay alive or I would have no choice.
I desperately began to think of the most important things in life, the things worth living for. I conjured up images of my friends laughing with me, of a family celebrating at Christmas time. I remembered experiences like swimming, singing, writing... firsts like my first award and my first boyfriend. Still, it wasn't enough. I could feel myself thawing, but I needed more.
The images came faster now, in bursts of desperate speed. The tumbling sapphire waves in an ocean, a silky green meadow, fresh dark earth. Brilliant sunshine filtering through leafy branches, rich, luxurious foods, rosy flowers with sweet perfumes. Furry creatures racing through a forest, a majestic Irish castle, colorful fabrics woven from the finest threads, a cute young couple, lost in each others eyes. Countless pictures, countless memories, but none of it was enough.
Finally, one image came to mind when no more would come to the surface. I prayed it would be enough.
It was my loving family, before we were torn apart.
Stinging tears came to my eyes when I looked at that picture in my head. My parents were dead and gone, but I knew their spirit would be with me forever. Is this how they would want me to go? Too cowardly and puny to live through the day, always reliving their painful deaths? They would want me to live here, happy, their souls and hearts part of me forever. "Always remembered, never forgotten," it had read on their tombstones. I had misinterpreted that, thinking I should forever live in the shadow of the pain. What I never realized is that I should flourish in the light of their joyful memories. "Always remembered, never forgotten..."
I had forgotten. I needed to remember.
Remember...
I stepped back from that perilous ledge, refusing to stand on that brink any longer. The world had transformed, the items taking on a new, bright sheen. I knew now that I would never see the world through those dull eyes again.
I had found my will to live.


Note: THIS IS A FICTIONAL STORY. It was sparked from a discussion, and I came up with this story as a hope story. It is completely fictional!!